I knew I could be the mother of a boy. I don't know why or what qualities I posessed that made me confident, but I was. And, if I do say so myself, I think I have done a pretty good job at being Jack's mom.
When I was expecting Sarah and we found out we were having a girl, it took me a while to get used to the idea. Perhaps because up until then my world only consisted of one very special little boy, I just didn't picture having a girl.
How would I be a mom to a little girl?
After rolling these feelings around in my head for a while, I think it boiled down to this:
I see her as me.
With Jack it was easy to seperate mother and son. But with Sarah...she is more like me. She will grow up a lot like I did. She will experience what it is like to be a 10-year-old girl, a 12-year-old girl, a 14, 15, 16-year-old-girl.
How can I raise her to be successful through all of these rollercoaster stages? How can I show her how to do better in situations where I couldn't?
What will our relationship look like as she grows up? Will she adore me as Jack adores his dad? Will she want to be like me and do things like me? Or will we butt heads? Will we disagree and not see eye to eye? Will she be so different from me that I won't understand her? Will she be so much like me we won't get along?
I want to show her empathy, understanding and love. I want to be her best friend, role model and confidant. How can I be all these things?
And how will I handle the heartache of not?