I Just Don't Know

I just don't know what to do with this baby girl. She only has two modes: happy and lovely or tired, grumpy, cranky, annoyed, back-arching mad at the world. If there is anything at all to make her unhappy, then she switches into red-faced, crying, tired-but-not-sleeping mode and insists that her mama be in physical contact with her all. the. time. There is no gradual escalating of the frustration. There is no little bit cranky because her teeth kind of hurt. There is no might be sick, so just be snuggly and sleepy. There is only straight to ten.

At least that's how it feels.

It feels like all I see and hear is the same deafening, cranky sounds and I can't interpret them to figure out what the problem is. I am clearly not understanding her. I don't get it, she must think I'm an idiot at this mothering stuff because I can't seem to do the right thing. Or maybe something is just bothering her A LOT and I'm too thick to figure it out. So I keep putting her down for extra naps and giving her more milk.

I wish I knew better how to help her. I wish I knew what ails her. I would be happy to hold her, snuggle her, put her to bed, give her an extra bath, give her medicine, let her watch her favorite show, tell her brother to leave her alone - whatever it is I would do it. I just don't know what it is. She doesn't want to play with her toys alone or with me. She doesn't want to be held, she squirms out of my grip. She doesn't know what she wants and in my infinite mommy wisdom, I have no. clue. what. to. do.

She is a delightful, lovely little girl. I want to play with her and enjoy being with her. I want to know what I can do to help her. I don't want her to be sad. I feed her, I bathe her, I dress her, I change her, I rock her, I bounce her, I walk her, I kiss her, I love her.